i dont know how .. ..

this song best describe what im feeling right now.
darrell and i broke off;
temporary.

yes,
im super sad.
i dont think i've ever been this sad before.
and yes, i have scars on me,
news scars on saturday,
and soon, there'll be new scars,
again.
i dont know who's the one being selfish here,
but,
i think he need some time.

on saturday,
he told me that he HAD the THOUGHT
of breaking up with me.
reason being i was too hard on myself,
in changing for him.
he felt the ache for me,
and doesnt want me to suffer.

i dont understand.
up to now,
i still dont get it.
why?
what's wrong with me changing?
isnt that what you want?
im willing to do whatever you want me to.

sometimes i wish i can be like suann.
she wont ever beg theodore to go back to her side.
whereas for me,
im a failure when it comes to relationship(s).
i've failed,
nd im gonna fail this time,
again.

darrell's the one i truly love,
darrell's the one i wanna marry,
darrell's the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with.

as quoted,
"when you've found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with,
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

yes,
this is what i want right now.
like what darrell always say,
"i want to forward time,
to when we get married."
i longed for that too.
but, it may never happen again.

it's so hard to keep a relationship going.
what's happening is all my fault.
who cares about those promises?!
im just a petty fat bitch.
you never know the heartache im having.

i've always "classified" myself as strong.
i think i need a re-classifi-cation.
i've fallen into the "vulnerable" side.

i can sense that something's gonna happen.
thus my msn nick,
"you're a loss i cant replace."
i've given you a hint, my dear.

can you feel what i feel?
do we still have those telepathy feeling that we used to have?
how can one changes so fast?
i cant believe it.


I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!

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